Comments on: Just say no

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 02:39:32 +0000

Like Barrie I can see both sides – Parents definitely need to set limits and children definitely need to get used to handling disappointments however, being an apartment dweller it becomes quite annoying to have three or four ice cream trucks come through in one day (at different times). Sometimes others need to set some limits as well – there are more issues involved here it seems than parents not wanting to say no to their kids.

By: Jennifer Roe

Jennifer Roe — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 19:39:38 +0000

I think my parenting was shaped by the fact that I taught Jr. High for 6 years before having any kids. I saw, first-hand, the results of parents who didn’t set limits. It was ugly.

It’s very very easy to set limits when they’re toddlers – they adore you AND they’re easily distractable. They’re also very capable of seeing the natural consequences – “we’ll go to the park as soon as your shoes are on” or “we’ll have to leave early if you keep throwing sand”..they SO get that at a very early age IF you follow through.

You’re a discussion-starter, Felice! Thanks

By: Stacy Smith

Stacy Smith — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 22:59:39 +0000

Amen!!!! I always love hearing parents suggest parenting as a strategy instead of whatever else people do. Now, if I could only manage to do that with my dogs.

I bookmarked you so I can come back again and again.

By: Julie

Julie — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 22:54:31 +0000

I don’t live in NYC (far from it!), but my guess is that the ice cream man in the city has lots of choices….maybe even a few organic tofu munchies for the “my child doesn’t eat refined sugar” types?” (I’ll confess that I was that way with my first born, too….but then along came #2, and I was giving her m&m’s for her 1st bday!) In any case, I think that it’s part of every American’s childhood to remember the ring of that bell…..to see all those crazy colors and shapes posted on the side of the white van…to taste that “delicious” “bomb pop” from the 1960’s! Can’t you just picture it??!!

What’s wrong with a few boundaries here? “We can have ice cream from the truck twice this week…..let’s keep track on the calendar. The other days, I won’t have any money, and I’ll expect you to act like a big girl/boy when you don’t get one every day we go to the park.” Shutting down the ice cream man doesn’t teach our children a darn thing….this is, as you say, Felice, a practice for REAL LIFE! I’m with Judith above, who writes that too often parents try to, “make things perfect for ME,” and then the hard lessons come around and our kids aren’t prepared.

By: barrieraffel

barrieraffel — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:02:53 +0000

I hear you on the just say no point! Just have to play a little devil’s advocate though to round out the comments….. it was a little disingenuous of the guy who wrote that article to say things the way he did. This has been part of a dialogue in the city that has a lot of components to it and isn’t really so much about parents not being able to say no or deal with a sugar high. Part of it had to do with people selling inside the playgrounds which is illegal and there have been some really creepy things that have gone on around that. also, the trucks come right before school lets out, park outside the playground for hours on end and are so noisy with their motors and generators that you literally cannot hear a thing and they spew exhaust. When I was growing up, I ate every sugary snack that was available and the ice cream from the truck was certainly part of it. He came a few times a week in just the summer , stayed 10 minutes and LEFT. My son is no stranger to the word “no” but I have to say it was a drag having to go through it every day before he was old enough to understand – he has a lot of food intolerances and I can’t give him that stuff. I have never complained to the city about it because I know that other people enjoy it but I also know there are lots of kids like him who see 80% of their friends enjoying that treat daily and it’s hard for them even when you bring other great sugary snacks. Such is life, but you can see where it’s not everyone’s favorite thing. Can I just also mention, that just because we all grew up eating that stuff, it’s not like there aren’t some better choices out there for sugar minus the dyes and chemicals. there is a company that started ice cream trucks with some good quality choices and ones made from things other then milk, just not in my neighborhood. So, while I’m never going to be the person trying to remove the trucks, I sure am an advocate for something better.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:09:54 +0000

I seem to have no problem saying no to my kids and they have learned ( at least most of the time) that whining doesn’t help. I once read that you need to decide right away yes or no and not waiver. Once you waiver they know that’s your breaking point.

By: judith benson

judith benson — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 13:15:23 +0000

For Pete’s sake. Unbelievable. Actually, this is a very scary prospect. And..didn’t any of those New Yorkers see “In The Heights?”

There may be reasons to ban the ice cream man, but expecting the city to parent you children by random firings is out of whack, and entitlement at it’s finest. Our sense of “make things perfect for ME” is awful. I’m with you, as usual, sister.

By: cousin Leslie

cousin Leslie — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 02:28:56 +0000

Felice,
Love this!!! Can’t wait to read more.
Leslie